


Trust

by redspedic



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: M/M, alfie and cyril are there to show him love though, grace and tommy weren't married, has a mention of grace, tommy is a sad man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 19:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redspedic/pseuds/redspedic
Summary: Tommy doesn't think he deserves Alfie.





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Because we all know Tommy is a sad hoe

Tommy was sitting on the floor with a mirror in front of him, legs crossed and gaze locked on his reflection’s bright blue eyes.  
He had Alfie’s white, middle-length sleeved shirt on him. It was a bit too big for him, since Alfie was more soft and bulky than Tommy was. But it didn’t mean Tommy wouldn’t wear his clothes - instead it caused the opposite; he wanted to wear Alfie’s clothes because they were larger than his own and thus, they were comfortable.  
Tommy didn’t really have anything else on him, though. It didn’t bother him. It was just him, Alfie and Cyril in the house. His partner and their dog wouldn’t care if they saw him without pants.

And talking about his partner - Alfie was an open man when it came to someone he loved. He was always spoiling Tommy with warm embraces and breakfasts; he’d talk about his feelings more openly than Thomas ever could; he’d treat Tommy gently and respect all his boundaries.  
But Tommy wasn’t sure if he really deserved to be treated that good.

He knew he deserved to be happy, at some point at least.  
He knew he shouldn’t be doubting himself like that.  
He knew Alfie always told him that and he told that to Alfie when he would feeling low.

Tommy knew that if he just treated Alfie well, he would deserve it too -

But he kind of refused to believe it. After the war in France he had locked his heart and refused to let anyone know his real thoughts.  
Tommy had normalized the thought idea of no one being capable of loving him like Grace had, and like Alfie did.  
And Grace was gone and perhaps, because it’s Tommy Alfie is with, Alfie would be gone soon, too.

Well, Grace had had her own reasons to leave. But Alfie surely would at least get tired and fed up with Tommy sooner or later and leave.

Tommy put his hand against the mirror, never taking his eyes off his own.  
Alfie always told him they were pretty.  
He didn’t really care about anyone else’s opinions on his looks. He knew he was good-looking, if nothing else in him was good.  
Some woman drunk in a bar would tell him his eyes were gorgeous and he’d feel nothing. But when it was Alfie - it sounded silly to say, especially coming from Tommy, but he felt like his heart would stop beating every time his partner said that.

His _partner_ , who would surely feel like shit if he knew Tommy was thinking about these things daily.

Well, Alfie was aware that Tommy wasn’t satisfied with himself and often needed reassuring with these things. But he’d be hurt if Tommy told him he thought Alfie would get tired of him soon, he would be offended and Tommy wouldn’t blame him, to be honest. He would find it understandable - he would, too, find it saddening if Alfie thought he wasn’t good enough for Tommy; he was too good for Tommy, actually.  
It’s not like Tommy didn’t trust Alfie to be honest with him. He just couldn’t help thinking about the worst things to happen and he had already got used to those thoughts along the years.

Now that he had found love, though, he didn’t know how to handle those thoughts anymore without offending anyone. Because even if he would be the only one who could actually hear his thoughts, he was afraid that some day he’d say them without meaning to and he’d ruin everything again.

Tommy glanced at a cigarette and for a while thought about reaching for it. Thought and thought again, because he’d relax and release agony, but he decided not to.  
Instead, he got up and walked out of the recently painted door to the hallway.

It was quiet in their house. At least for Tommy it was - he couldn’t really hear anything unsettling.  
If he’d look out of the window, he’d see that he and his partner Alfie were living the best life on the country side - just the two of them with a dog and some other animals.  
They had a horse, too. Tommy had insisted on getting one. Alfie had got the dog himself, while Thomas didn’t really care for dogs, but he had actually grown on Cyril.

He found Alfie downstairs, sitting on a couch with casual clothing and Cyril playing with him.  
Tommy stayed at the stairs and tightened his grip on the brown rail beside him, looking at the man doing different tricks with the dog. Sitting, lying down, playing dead, Cyril did everything.  
At first Tommy had been hesitant of the dog, but he couldn’t say no to Cyril anymore. He was adorable.

But could Tommy ask Alfie if he could be close and just let his feelings out? He didn’t do that often. There had only been a few times he would ask Alfie if they could stay in the hug for a longer time or if Alfie could spoon him. He usually just said that he wants to do something. He never asked.  
But he was feeling low and unsure - yet he was sure Alfie would say yes if he asked. But he still had this thought that if he asked, Alfie would get mad and leave or drive Tommy away - and Tommy knew it wouldn’t happen, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it, he couldn’t get it off his mind.

After a while of just standing there, Alfie had seemed to notice Tommy at the stairs.  
“Mornin’, sleepyhead”, Alfie grinned and looked back at Cyril, who was currently sitting in front of Alfie waiting for the next demand.  
Sleepyhead was an adorable nickname Alfie often used for Tommy if he came downstairs later than usual. But it didn’t really suit Tommy - he didn’t sleep.

Tommy just kept his eyes on Alfie, not really hearing what the man had just said. Something about Tommy looking tired, but didn’t he always look tired? He was tired. Not even sleepy, just straight up tired and he could just wash his face with whiskey.  
“Can I sit next to you?”  
Alfie didn’t say anything for a second and his expression was confused. He’d probably say no.  
“Ya don’t even gotta ask that, sweetie, c’mere.”

Tommy with a slow move took his hand off the rail and walked up next to Alfie, sitting down. He sat closer than usual - that’s why he had asked if he could sit, usually he just sat down with no questions; he never sat too close - and leaned his head against Alfies chest, moving his hand to rest on his partners hand.  
He felt a hand in his hair, stroking and relaxing him into the touch. Tommy closed his eyes and didn’t say anything anymore, neither did Alfie.  
They were just sitting in silence, Cyril’s head placed on top of Alfies thigh, patiently waiting for something to happen.

Tommy hadn’t even realized there had been a few tears coming out of his eyes before he felt Alfie’s shirt get wet under his eyes. His lashes started to stick together, too.  
“Ya okay?” he heard Alfie ask and Tommy didn’t know how to respond.  
“It’s just my mind.”  
“Tellin’ lies to yourself again?” Were they really lies?  
Fuck it. If Alfie said they were, Tommy would believe him.  
“Yeah.”  
“Well, they can fuck off my man’s mind”, Alfie reassured and put his head on top of Tommy’s, pulling him closer and Tommy let out a quiet laugh with his face pressed against Alfie’s chest now.  
“Yeah”, Tommy said again with a lower but more joyful sound, wrapping his other arm around Alfie’s waist to get even closer, if it was even possible anymore.

Tommy had always told himself that war changes a man forever. But love could change a man even more.


End file.
